My Name is LaToya, and I’m a Bad Feminist, Part II
If men are going to be fired for speaking about a woman’s beauty, why do we have a cosmetics industry?
Recently, Chris Matthews resigned from MSNBC. Allegedly, he complimented a woman’s looks when she was getting her makeup done and it made her uncomfortable. Before feminists come for me, let me tell the whole world something: I’m all for doing what it takes to make women look and feel our best. If pink polka dots and green plaid suit your fancy, I say rock it. Purple lipstick and red nails? Go for it.
The question is: should we punish all members of the opposite sex if they notice, too? I’m simply trying to establish the rules and clarify some boundaries here. Is it okay, if a lady looks really, really nice, for me to say that “You look nice. Where’d you get that dress?” Would I be turned in to human resources for sexual harassment? Men tend to be attracted to my natural hair. Sometimes, I wear it in the largest bush imaginable. What if I sued every man who ever asked me if he could touch my hair? What if I sued every female coworker who ever asked me if she could touch my hair? What if I accused every white person who ever wanted to touch my hair of discrimination? Okay, that may have merit, but what about the Black people who also want to touch my hair? Should I turn in every student who ever touched my hair to student affairs and have them expelled from school? Yes, students ROUTINELY BEG to touch my hair (Black students). This is why I wear braids almost year-round. Students get distracted by the sheer volume of hair on my head and swear that I am wearing a wig. They want to verify! And sometimes, if I’m feeling up to it, I let them.
Furthermore, the cosmetics industry is a global, multi-billion dollar industry. Women spend so much money on cosmetics that economists can just about predict the health of our economy based on lipstick sales alone. Seriously. It’s called the lipstick effect. Why do we spend so much money on beauty products if we collectively decide that nobody -male or female — can ever say a word if we look nice without the fear of being accused of sexual harassment? And what about people from a generation ago. My mom is a Baby Boomer and she is now afraid to tell young women that their dresses are pretty. She is now afraid to shake hands and she certainly does not hug any more. For people in her age range, people who once held hands with their childhood friends, hugged one another and sometimes kissed one another on the cheeks, all of this is new and terrible. And let’s not get cute. I’m talking pre-COVID-19 here. They were already upset about the banning of “It’s Cold Outside” this previous Christmas. They will tell you that the song is of a simpler time when a single woman could not receive visits from a man all hours of the night without some kind of gossip being stirred — and not date rape. What about people in her age range, like say, Chris Matthews, who probably kisses people on the cheek as a greeting and not as the creepy old man from Family Guy, Mr. Herbert.
There are some things that I do to make myself feel better, mainly painting my finger and toe nails. But am I to understand that all of the bold shades of lipstick, anti-aging creams, anti-acne solutions, hair relaxers, curly perms, false eyelashes, eye shadow, concealers, eyebrow stencils, waxing kits, hand tightening cream, under-eye bag creams, hair colors (rinses, demi-semi and permanent), tooth whiteners, flat/curling irons, etc. are simply for self-aggrandizement? So, no compliments? Ever? So, hypothetically speaking, if a man had told Lizzo, when she showed her butt, that she has a nice butt, would he have lost his job? Would feminists be resentful of his comment and say that he should focus on her lyrics and talent and not her butt — which she chose to show?
And again, don’t get me twisted. I think that men are wonderful, but I am not convinced that our lives as women revolve around them. On the contrary, I feel that we are all interdependent: we each contribute to the well-being of ourselves, our families, our communities, and our world. Everybody’s contributions should be valued equally. I am a whole person with a man or without one. But there are some things about contemporary feminism that I do not understand. The “rules” are terribly fuzzy to me at this point.
Again, I’m not being facetious here. I’m really trying to understand. I’m trying to understand why Lizzo can literally show her behind at a family function and be celebrated by feminists, while “Baby Got Back” has been lambasted by feminists for twenty years. Why does a man have to resign for telling a woman in makeup that she’s beautiful? Isn’t that what make-up for in the first place? Call me old fashioned. Call me a patriarchal woman. But I’m trying. Somebody needs to sit me down and give me a lecture in modern-day feminist thought.
I have an older colleague. He has the 1970s written all over him. Every tie he sees me, there is a hug and a kiss and usually on how he DOES NOT like the pants that I wear. I don’t get angry at him and I do not think of him as a sexual predatory. He’s just an average Baby Boomer on the older end of the spectrum.
I say that if no one can say anything ever about anybody’s looks, we should rethink cosmetics/fashion and the roles that they play in our lives. While I enjoy painting my nails, I don’t necessarily need concealer and foundation. What if I’m offended that someone keeps constantly yelling at me, one way or another, that my skin has flaws and needs improvement? If I’m comfortable in my skin, why should I buy your cream? It offends me…
Okay, that was ridiculous. Do you get my point? Probably not. Somebody reading this is probably angry and clicked off before getting past the first two paragraphs. Oh well. What do I know? I’m just a terribly outdated patriarchal woman…so you now think.
If you like this, clap back. If you got a problem, leave a comment and explain the rules to me. Please.
