Respectability Politics or Lack of Respect
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A Houston high school has garnered national headlines and outrage with a dress code for parents. Many people are screaming elitism and respectability politics. But could this situation be even more nuanced and coded in the Black community?
I recently had a conversation with one of Gen Z little brothers. He is highly intellectual, and I am hoping that he chooses to attend graduate school. He was OUTRAGED at the principal at James Madison High School issued a dress code for parents. The code was reprinted in its entirety in many newspapers, including USA Today.
My little brother/future scholar was screaming respectability politics. According to him, if this principal were at a white high school, she would not have dared this. She is imposing elitist standards on poor Black people.
Now, his argument is duly noted. For those readers who are unfamiliar with Black respectability politics, it is a governing set of rules by which Black people police one another. It is an attempt to show mainstream (white and middle class) America that our values and beliefs are continuous and not sub-par or exotic. It gives Black people dignity — only if we adopt mainstream (white middle class) values. There is a “right” way to dress, a “right” way to wear one’s hair, a “right” way to speak, a “right” way to even worship at church. Anything loud or ostentatious or reminiscent of Black agrarian life (“country”) or Black inner-city living (“ghetto”), including dress and worship, is unacceptable.
These “rules” can be as restrictive and alienating as white racism. They can also hurt just as much. For example, I have a Ph.D., but I do not code switch to sound more mainstream (white) and less agrarian (“country”). I have watched my Black colleagues squirm with embarrassment when I enter the room. They only relax when I began spewing primary literary texts, history, and literary criticism. Oddly, my white colleagues don’t seem to notice my accent, and if they do notice, they don’t seem to care. In fact, I have informed my African American colleagues (they certainly are not friends) that I don’t code switch because I don’t play the Zip Coon for anybody. I’m authentically me and if it’s enough for God, it’s going to be enough for the rest of society. Period.
So, when this Gen Z intellectual became more and more heated as he talked about respectability politics, I understood exactly how he felt.
HOWEVER, and this is the biggest HOWEVER, I have ever written, I’m a little older. I have seen the way African Americans disrespect other Black people in authority. We come to the school/job yelling and hurling insults at Black supervisors/teachers/principals in a way that we wouldn’t dream of if that person were white. We want to show the Black person in authority that they are no better than we, the common man, are. Could some of those parents have been disrespectful of the faculty and staff at this majority Black high school just because they could be?
And I know that people will come for me. At this point, I don’t care. I have witnessed it and lived through Black disrespect of Black people in authority. I was in Target once. I had my back totally turned to the store. Somebody passed by me REEKING of marijuana. Weed happens to trigger my migraines and my stomach instantly churned. I was on the phone with my husband, and I said, “Wow! I wish folk would change their clothes after they smoke weed. Especially when they know they will be going out.” When I turned around, this young lady asked, “Did you say somebody smells like weed?” I told her, “Yes, but I don’t know who it was.” She replied, “Bitch, it was me. Yeah, I been smoking. I’m high as a motherf*cker and you need to mind your godd*mn business.” This young lady, who was dressed in a “respectable” manner, proceeded to hurl insults at me like lightning bolts. People stopped to listen to her cuss me out. At first, I was overwhelmed. I just stood there embarrassed at how many combinations of the words, “stupid,” “nosy,” and “bitch” she could string together. Then I came to my senses, told my husband that I would call him back and said, “Okay, you have a sharp tongue. But one Black woman to another, I refuse to be disrespected in public this way. Let me see if your tongue will be so sharp in front of some white folk.” She was steadily hurling the insults. I told her, “Keep talking. I’m calling white security on you right now.” When she saw me start to dial, she ran out of the store!
And this is not the only time I’ve seen this happen. I went to Memphis for a speeding ticket. In order to get to court, I had to pass by brothers who were smoking weed and actually urinating on the stair well as long as a Black cop was watching them. When they were in court in front of a white judge and a white bailiff, they had absolutely nothing to say! I was simply stunned at how disrespectful they were to the Black cop and how humble they were before the white ones.
I have experienced this on several jobs. Coworkers have flat foot cussed me out. When a white woman, who was a year older than me and with not as much education was present, they were on their best behavior. They were all smiles and “yes, ma’ams,” and “no, ma’ams.” And I have seen this outside of Mississippi, so please don’t brush this off as a Mississippi thing. I’ve seen it in Detroit, Los Angeles, Cleveland, and other chocolate cities. Black people will be all-around, disrespectful jackasses to one another, but when a white person (who does not even have to be an authority figure) is present, they are all grins and manners.
While the world passes judgment on this principal and what she did, we need to understand that conditions on the ground may be more nuanced than what the media is portraying. Mainstream media often misses subtle cues of African American culture and African Americans are certainly not going to discuss dirty laundry on a national stage. We are often reluctant to discuss destructive behavior that comes from within our own communities. Colorism, nepotism, lack of respect, narcissism, classism, parentification of children because parents just cannot get it together and somebody has to raise the younger children, sexism, spousification because one spouse is absent and the remaining spouse is holding somebody responsible for his/her feelings, greed, jealousy, rape/incest/molestation, eating disorders…All of these things plague our communities. While some of these things are unique to African Americans’ long struggle with racism in this country, some of them are part of the human condition. And the more we fail to address them in our respective communities, the more these kinds of cancers will spread among us.
This is coming from my personal experience. And you can come for me if you want, but my testimony WILL NOT be invalidated.
